Chaos: The Zaktan Monologues
by Rylak
Summary: Short, six part monologue by Zaktan, leading up to the actions he takes in a future story I am working on. As he appears in that story, he has done so much more... Rated T for scaring me while I wrote it. The people he talks about are all different people that I will not reveal.
1. The Angel

Every day, since she was born, I've watched her. I guarded her, kept her safe, and guided those around her in the path they must take. No one really takes notice, because I don't do much that anyone can see. One time, someone nearly died from my guidance, their hand stayed from feeding them and their mouth kept shut when food was offered. She stepped in then, unknowingly letting me step down.

I am a protector, and she's known me all her life. I've saved her many times, but received no thanks, because she doesn't even know I'm there. She talks to me in her mind, and I hear her when she prays. When someone close to her died, I was there to comfort her. I stole away the bitter taste of agony, and showed her which road to travel.

Everything she has, all her friends and memories, were all a gift from me. Why do I do this, knowing that I will never receive thanks? Why do I strive to keep her happy? Because it is my duty… and because I love her.


	2. The Tutor

Every day, since she was five, I met her after school and began to teach her. I told her the secrets behind everything, what kept the clouds in the air, why the sun shone so beautifully, and why I had to tell her all of this. When I left, when she was twelve, she had become everything I had hoped. I know she was sad, and I know she thought I had abandoned her. I also know that after a while she would decide I had only left when her parents stopped paying me to tutor her.

The truth is, I was still watching. I had planted something in her during those seven years, and idea, that she was not alone. She believed. She believes that there is so much more to life than meets the eye, and she has been moved to search for it. What she can do is still beyond her wildest dreams.

So when I returned, walking in the doorway to a club she attended at school, I saw her anew. A bright young woman of seventeen, her face changed in the blink of an eye, and her arms wrapped around me. Her eyes were streaming tears. Why did I leave? Why did I wait so long to come back? Because it is my final lesson… and because I love her


	3. The Provider

Every day, since her parents died, I've been giving her a means to escape. I've been opening up paths and kicking down doors, showing her light to run to. She follows blindly, not even knowing I provide these for her. If she ever saw me, trust would likely vanish, but she will never see me, can never see me. I am just the shadow who goes before her, destroying every obstacle.

Every time she needs food, she finds food. Every time she needs a place to hide, she finds a place to hide. Every time she cries, the memories flooding her mind, I tell her that she can fix it. I lead her to the places she goes, and give her the means with which to destroy. She does not believe in God, but she hates him. Fate has one more strange twist left for her, and when she sees the plan up close she will rejoice.

So, when I am her provider, why is it I take something away from her? All that she has ever done is destroy, and I trust her to continue. Why is it when, in her moment of glory, I destroyed her sight? Because blindness is my gift… and because I love her.


	4. The Confidant

Every day, since she began running, I have been her friend. Imaginary to her, but everything she says is so real to me. When her friends betrayed her, I carried her to safety. When the darkest edges of the mirror portray an ugly face back at her, I stand in the way. I keep her from seeing the error of her ways, so that she may continue in her destructive path. She cannot run forever, but I tell her otherwise.

If ever she realized I was real, she would stop talking to me, afraid that I would give away her secrets. That will not happen. Her secrets go into me alone, and soon even she begins to forget. When she cries at night, regretting the wrong things she has done, I comfort her and say that they all deserved it.

Everyone loves a hero, but everyone loves to see a hero fall. Watching her fall is so sweet, and the taste would haunt me forever if it weren't so easy to replicate. Others can fall just as easily. Why do I torment her in such a reverse manner? Why do I tell her to hurt her old friends and push everyone away so violently? Because it is my pleasure… and because I love her.


	5. The Master

Every day, since we all arrived on this island, I have had to put up with them all. They are idiots, but more than that they are the worst kind. They are idiots that are also ever so smart. They do not see how I could be so much greater than they. Hatred for me clouds their judgement, and their measly attempts at insurgence barely entertain me enough to rationalize keeping them all alive. Why I tolerate them, I do not know.

They think I'm one of them, the same race and with the same motive. They think I am driven by greed and the lust for power. Even this simple mind that tries to control me underestimates what I am, thinking it can enter my mind without repercussions. I hold it now in the centre of the room, captured inside a massive crystal vat. Now I am the puppeteer and it is the puppet, it's mind controlling abilities being used to enslave others at my will.

Why then, when I am the master on this doomed stage, do I still sit back and enjoy the scenery as the universe falls to shambles? Why do I not forgo the pain and hardship of searching for the ultimate treasure, and simply reach out and take a far better trophy, one that would allow me to traverse space and time, penetrate the barrier between dimensions, and settle myself into a world where I could be worshiped as a god? Because it is my punishment… and because I hate you.


	6. The Architect

Every day, I see the faces of millions pass through my mind, some screaming in terror and others sighing with adoration. I have lived too long to let my life end on a low note. I want one more adventure, and so I begin to weave a web. I must live one last life, and I set in motion the events that must take place in order to make it perfect.

I want to kindle the fires of hatred again, and turn a small child into madwoman. I want to twist the truth again, tasting the bitter resentment and cold hate born of loneliness. I want to teach gods again, instilling wonder and joy into their young eyes. I want to guard the helpless again, reaching out and offering them on last chance at true happiness through fulfilling their loved ones' dreams. I want to build up all the rebellion and hope that the entire universe can muster, and in a single glorious blow crush it all to the ground and watch it float away on the wind as all creation cries out in despair.

Even as I finish spinning my web of scales and gems, memories and blood, I know that this is beyond the ability of any creature save myself. Only I know how to find one's true purpose, and it is a secret I shall never give away. Why do I feel the need to live yet another life, when I have seen those who proclaim themselves immortal fade and wither in the mist of time? Why, when I know all so well that even my life must end, do I still struggle to make a difference? Because it is my dream… and because I want her to love me too.

The universe, in it's infinite cruelty, has elected to make me cruel. But it has not seen my true face. It does not know what I really am. It wants to show me cruelty, fear, pain, darkness, evil, and chaos. I have seen it already.

I will now show the universe. I am the angel of pain. I am the tutor of fear. I am the provider of cruelty. I am the confidant of darkness. I am the master of evil.

I am the Architect of Chaos.

I am Zaktan.


End file.
